✌🏻

Animal House

I volunteered to watch my Aunt and Uncle’s house for a few days while they’re away, and in addition to a slight animal friend flex, this is just to help me remember what exactly has to be done for each lil' creature… and the grounds.

ADORABLE BABY CHICKENS

That’s them up top. And they’re more like teenagers as far as chicken years go, but that’s not terribly important.

For food, the trough will need to be refilled twice each day. Feed is in a plastic container in the shed, and there’s extra near said container in a big orange sack. They also get one hard boiled egg each day, which seems morally dubious but what do I know.

Their water has to be kept topped up, duh. It’s easier to bring the water in a pitcher or something out to them, since re-hanging the heavy water jug each time can be tricky. Add some apple cider vinegar to the pitcher for bonus health.

If it’s under 65º during the day, put the heat lamp on. If the sun is down, keep the heat lamp on.

DON’T let them out. Holy shit, don’t.

And make sure Amber doesn’t bother them too much.

Grownup Chickens

Pretty much self-regulating. Christophe (the rooster) keeps everyone in line.

Food is easy - just make sure the feeder doesn’t go empty. Put a shitton of pellets in there once every three days or so. The chicken feed is in the green sack in the beige trunk outside the coop.

Water is easy too! Fill the jug with the hose if it’ll reach AND if it can be done without spraying water everywhere. Add a splorp of vinegar just cause.

They roam free all day. At night, make sure everyone gets in the coop, and lock the inside gate AND the outside gate. Foxes will do bad shit otherwise.

Get eggs EVERY DAY. Probably looking at 6 or so. Be sure to check the hay zone behind the shed, since one hen is known to lay back there for some reason or another. If there’s a broken egg, hit it with some woodchips (big bag behind the shed), then clean it out with the litter scoop. If any of the egg beds look a bit barren, go ahead and throw some woodchips on those too.

Bad smells? Use the rake on top of the coop and treat the whole thing like an oversized litter box. Open the side door, rake as much gnarly shit (literally) towards the door as is possible, get it with the scooper, and throw it in the muck bucket. This waste can be dumped in the compost heap off to the left of the dog pen.

Should they need wrangling, or if they just deserve some treats, shake the worm bag and throw a handful of worm snacks.

Goats

Heidi is the all-white one, and Clara has the black spots. Feels like the names got reversed somehow, but nope.

Each morning they get a scoop of chaff - it’s the stuff that smells like delicious molasses and cut grass in the beige trunk near the chicken coop. In the evening, they get a scoop of regular ol' food, which is in the blue sack in that same trunk. As long as you’re quick, it usually isn’t an issue to escape without them following since they’ll be too busy eating food.

Keep their water topped up using the hose in the back, and as always a splash of vinegar.

They CAN be let out for an hour or so, and they’re into that, but make sure they don’t eat the grapes or the trees or the garden or the potted plants. If they’re being stubborn when it comes time to go home, use potato or tortilla chips. They’re just like humans.

The Pups

We’ll cover Aspen first. She’s a goddamn angel, chillest husky on the block.

Each morning she gets one of those bone health chunks, and an estrogen pill.

She can stay outside ALL day. Like, if there’s somewhere to be during the day and she’s outside, that’s fine. Make SURE she comes in for the evening though. If the weather is shitty just check on her.

Now for Amber, the younger and more mischievous of the two.

When Aspen is getting her meds, give Amber a biscuit from the jar in the counter. A placebo biscuit. A sympathy biscuit.

Amber shouldn’t be left to her own devices outside. Watch her if she’s off leash, and if she disappears, try not to freak out and take a ride around the block. She’s been known to wander as far as two houses in either direction, and will usually listen if you say “come.” If you want to have her outside for some reason or another, you can leave her in the dog pen in the back, but no one likes being caged up when they’ve experienced FREEDOM. Oh, and don’t let her rile the young chickens.

If you’re going somewhere, make sure Amber is inside. Otherwise you’re going to be driving around the block, a lot. Just keep an eye on her.

That’s it for specifics. Each morning let them out on the lawn to hit the bathroom. After that they’ll head to the shed because they know there’re treats in there. Give them the treats. Then try to go for an on-lead walk with Amber down to the falls off to the right up the road. If Aspen follows, great. If she doesn’t, also great. Be mindful of Aspen making her way back home halfway through your jaunt to the falls. Don’t sweat it if she doesn’t want to go the whole way.

Otherwise, they get fed once per day. Between 4 and 6PM, each gets 1.5 cups of dry food mixed with .25 can of wet food. Aspen’s bowl is metal, and should be plopped down near wherever she’ll inevitably be laying outside. Amber’s bowl is ceramic and lives in the kitchen. Neither are big eaters, so don’t be concerned if they don’t dive right in.

OH! And if Beretta (Greg & Kim’s dog) shows up, that’s cool. Hook her up with an Ol' Roy if everyone is hanging out near the shed.

Pita The Cat

Pita does NOT enter the house, ever. But he’s a good lap pal! Mind the stomach though.

There’s cat food in the shed, along with Pita’s house. The bowl is on top of the young chicken coop, and should be kept full.

For water, there are containers everywhere on the grounds. Just make sure some of them are full for Pita and any other friendly visitors.

The Bees (They’re In My Eyes)

Kinda leave them alone. But make sure nothing catastrophic has happened when you wake up. If anything catastrophic has happened, then call someone who knows what to do. Womp womp.

The Grounds

Goodness gracious there’s a ton of stuff to do!

Electric fence is first because that feels important. At night, plug the extension cord into the outlet outside on the patio. Unplug this each morning to keep any animal pals from getting zapped while they’re out and about.

If it hasn’t rained at all, a few plants can be hit with a bit of water. This includes anything under the eaves (hanging planters too!), the tomatoes that were just put in the garden, the apple trees along the driveway, the dogwood near the sauna, and the copper beech near the dogwood.

If it’s over 75º, crack the door on the greenhouse.

For the pawpaw trees out front, pollinate those badboys. Or gals. Find a flower with pollen in it - it’ll look like white dusty stuff. Dip the tiny paintbrush in there, and hit any flowers on the other trees that don’t have pollen in them. Repeat this process for all the pawpaw trees.

Whack some weeds! Use as many batteries as needed, and be sure to recharge them. Go for about 6" worth of space from the electric fence, so the shrubbery doesn’t ground it. Do the front of the house as well, but leave everything else - some stuff is grown intentionally, but unless horticulture is a hobby it can be hard to tell what’s what.

Next!

I’ll probably take photos of all this stuff and turn the above post into something obnoxiously long, but the photos will help me remember everything, so deal with it.

Otherwise I’ll just enjoy the pizza oven, and the sauna with a giant spider, and all the food, and the two fireplaces, and the great views, and the sounds, and the hummingbird feeders, and the bench swings, and… ☯